agnes ♥
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Monday, October 04, 20045:33 PM
Was watching this ch8 charity fund raising show last nite, "ai guo you ming tian". Which meant if u can win the fight against cancer, there's always a better tomoro, eh.. something like dat. Pardon my translatuion la. Anyways, here's the thing dat captured my attention for the longest time n kept me thinking.
this child/teenager, 12 yr old gal. used to be like anyone of us goin thru primary 6, was struck wif this cancer. Which made her stomach swell up becoz of the cancer cells. Her stomach still bears the scar of the operation. The size of the 2 balls of tumour, weighs 20kg. its so saddening. The gal underwent chemotherapy, n her hairs starts to fall off. She looks so much skinnier than when she was in skool. During one part when the camera was filming her, she was caught crying : "heng tong, heng tong?" it juz made my heart so painful, dat tears rolled down my cheeks. This is the 3rd time I've cried while watching such charity shows, when they interviewed individual ppl suffering from those different kinds of illnesses. Its really sad, n I feel really sorry for the girl. Juz imagine it happenin to one of ur kin. Yes, touch wood. But I meant, put urself in the shoes of this family, the mother's position, the gal's position. She didn't wanna quit studying even when she got the cancer. But she had to stop, as she need to undergo chemo. i tried to control my tears, but after awhile, I juz let it flow eventually. The mother didnt know how long could her daughter live. Becoz her cancer cells r spreading. Its really sad to see ppl suffering. Sigh. May Buddha bless them, bless those kind hearted souls, pls take away the pain, agony from them, n may they receive help from many other pple who has the ability to help. I felt dat I should help if I could, but the thing is, "you xing wu li". Do u guys get me? I hav the heart to help, but I dun hav the capability. In financial terms, in practical terms. Its really sad in a way. While some of those wif the capability to help, they dun seem to help in the right place. I really hope there's a miracle for the gal. she's only 12. I hav a cousin who died becoz of some kidney disease few yrs back. He was very yellow in skin color, probably coz of his failing kidney. He went to SGH for a operation, but the doctors need the mother to pay the bill. N asked if she could afford. I guess the op is at least tens of thousands. Probably $20k. the mother said she will try to find the $$ to pay the hospital. But the blardy heartless doctors said no, they would only operate if the mother could get the money. So $$ minded huh. Dats how impt r the lives of each patient to them. $$ matters more. So the mother brought my cousin to KL, n the doctors there said, $$ is not a problem, lets operate on him first. His operation was a success, but a few weeks later, he passed away. I couldn't remember the details clearly. The doctor's actions accounted to me hating doctors now. I'm not really close to this cousin, it's a 'he' btw. I could vaguely remember his face. Had prawn mee for lunch today, n da bao a pack of ice milo back to drink. I'd finish the milo alrdy. But I'm feelin so weird. There's this cigarette butt smell in the milo. yCuks. U know those coffeeshops, they make a big flask of milo, n they juz add ice into the plastic bag which u carry tgt wif the milo, n tada.. u hav I suspect, I have mild "yan shi zhen". Tao yan de "yan", shi wu de "shi", zhen as in [bing zhen]illness. I?m not really sure, but I think it translates to anorexia. But it's a mild case. Not much appetite again lately. Though I've been tryin to act like a dinosaur. I only eat a meal a day. Throughout the weekends, n even durin lunch time. I eat for the sake of fillin my stomach up. I'm not really very hungry. I suppose I could go w/o food til dinner time. Aarrgghhh. Do I see pple who envy me? NO! pls dun envy me. I wanna eat healthily, hav appetite n cravings, n not wanna puke up when I see food or when I cun finish whatever I'm suppose to eat. Now this cigarette smell is making me feel even worse. Now I envy pple who hav 2 or 3 meals a day, at least they live healthily. Ruoning assess my meals I had for the day sometimes n she is always saying: "so unhealthy!" ya ya.. I know. But healthy things usually dun taste gd to me. arrghh. I needa mouth wash. Probably go home n brush my teeth 10 times. No la. Mayb 2. ahah. Alright. Worked real hard in the morning n after lunch, n hav been bloggin since 440pm, after I finished my work. Nobody asked me to do anything, so I gave myself a break after workin so diligently. :P time to go home! :) |
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